The Viking

 

As I was never inundated with messages from the online dating world and as I was brought up to be polite I always tried to answer all messages even if it was a simple thanks but no thanks. So when I received a message from a guy with his hand covering most of his face on his picture, asking what the most private thing was I was willing to admit I responded. I outed myself as a closet Taylor Swift fan, although a huge metal fan he liked my answer and we soon began chatting. The cougar had struck again as this guy was only 27 and seemed keen as many messages were being sent daily. We talked about our interests and he was a huge fan of Vikings in fact he believed himself to be one, so for this love of all things Norse I have decided to call him Thor.

Thor and I chatted for a couple of weeks, always convivial and our shared love of films lead to some great discussions and debates covering hidden story lines and various acting credits. Even though we didn’t always agree, it was always light-hearted and we respected each others opinion. He then asked if I had a problem with the fact he smoked weed on occasion and had sampled other natural substances in his past. This did not present a problem for me as I try never to judge as we all have a past and I was certainly no angel. I reassured him that what was in the past was in the past and I didn’t see the harm in a little bit of weed now and then. He seemed overjoyed by this as for once he found someone who did not judge his lifestyle, to which I replied it was his life and it’s not like he was confessing to being a serial killer why on earth would I judge him on it. This seemed to have a profound effect on him as suddenly he wanted to “lower his shield” and let me in as he had never met anyone as accepting as myself. He said it mattered not that he lowered it as he believed I would jump over it anyway. Soon he started talking about how special I was and creating various romantic scenarios in where I would swoon and his chivalry. He then started saying how he just wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it as he found me intoxicating and beautiful. Ding, ding, ding alarm bells were definitely ringing now, I am many things, funny, cool, vivacious even, but one thing I am not is beautiful and my pictures were not that carefully chosen. Where had all these feelings come from and what was this guy after? The devil appeared again on my shoulder and I decided to ride this out and see what he wanted and I didn’t have to wait long.

It wasn’t long before the romantic scenarios took on a more perverse twist and it went from pride and prejudice, to Lady Chatterley’s lover. This twist I really didn’t mind as from previous encounter’s I actually found it rather fun so had absolutely no issues playing along to this rather amorous game, only this time without the obligatory dick pic. He also decided it was a good time to ask if we should meet for coffee. I agreed saying I would even make my way to his home town as he wasn’t too far away. The date was set for a couple of weeks and the colourful talk continued. He then mentioned that he suffered from social anxiety and did not mix well in crowds and wondered if it would be at all inappropriate if we were to book a hotel room so he could relax and enjoy my company better. There it was, was all this work only as he wanted a sex date? Was he letting me in, so he could enter me? I thought about this for a while and decided in a moment of madness that meeting a young man in a hotel for a night carnal pleasure was not a bad thing after all it had been a while and I certainly had an itch that needed scratching. So I concluded as he had gone to so much effort in an attempt to bed me, why not oblige. I accepted and he promised I would not regret it and told me he was very skilled in the oral department promising me the best orgasm I ever had and said his cock was so mighty he named it Mjölnir (Thor’s hammer). He really didn’t need to try and sell me as I was already sold only now I had great expectations or should I say sexpectations.

The day of the date arrived and I made my way to him, I was all prepped and ready for a night of unbridled pleasure. I told a couple of close friends where I was going and promised several texts to ensure my safety. We met and walked to the hotel, stopping on the way to pick up some drinks, me a bottle of wine and him some beer. After we checked in and entered the room it immediately became apparent that the ever elusive spark was once again missing and what we both thought what was going to be a night of sexual gratification fell way short of the mark. We spent most of the night more absorbed in our drinks than each other and when we did finally make it to the bed it was over very quickly and neither of us experienced any kind of release; in fact I do believe we may have both faked it in order to get it over and done with, I know I did. Afterwards we both rolled over in an attempt to sleep although sleep would evade me too that night. I decided as soon as it got light I would have a shower and make my way home, leaving Thor a note explaining I forgot to mention earlier I had plans that day.

I did hear from Thor later the same day explaining that although he liked me immensely his anxiety would not allow him to get involved in a relationship right now and he was deeply sorry to have messed me around. I took this graciously and said I understood and hoped we could remain friends, knowing that I would never hear from him again. This did make me think though about how two people connect through sex. I always thought you were either good or bad in bed regardless of the person you are with. Now, however I am not so sure. It would seem you are only as good as your partner and hot sex has to be reciprocal, yet again this all boils down to that ever notorious spark or lack of it. It was obvious to me that Thor did not rate my performance just as I was disappointed in his. I have had both positive and negative encounters but selfishly I always blamed the other person being crap and never thought it could be because I wasn’t also measuring up. After all I was adventurous, experienced and had pretty much done it all. Thor helped me realise that it  actually takes two to be great in bed and it’s not about how talented you may be as it all counts for nothing if the connection isn’t all ready there.